My Brain In Letter Form

Endure

2011-10-20T15:33:00.001-04:00

October 20, 2011

Today I woke up quite annoyed. Was it because of the sound of a wood chipper outside my window shredding through what sounded like an entire tree? Not so much. Was it because I had a bad dream? I don’t think so because I can’t really remember my dreams from last night. I do, however, remember waking up in the middle of the night and wondering if I was actually awake or dreaming, and if I was dreaming I was probably going to be really upset that I was using the bathroom.

No, I woke up today annoyed that I wasn’t going to work. What an American thing to think, huh? But yeah, I was upset. I was told I would be working at this job full time for weeks, and I was really enjoying it at first, but it has not turned out to be what I was told it would be, and today was further proof as I found myself done with my work for the week, and also done making money for the week.

It’s been a frustrating few years for me to say the least. Nothing has quite gone according to plan, or anywhere near the plan.

So like a great man of faith, I reluctantly and without even the weakest desire opened up my Bible, only because I just knew I should. I’ve been reading through the Psalms and today I read Psalm 74. It seems to me that I’m not the first person in the world to have felt like I am feeling.

Psalm 74:1,9
“Why have you rejected us forever, O God? Why does your anger smolder against the sheep of your pasture? – We are given no miraculous signs; no prophets are left, and none of us knows how long this will be.”

That stuff is IN the Bible. That’s real life. And here’s something straight out of my journal this morning:
Maybe this is just my own Psalm that is similar to that one as I write out my frustrations. It honestly sucks right now and I have no hope. And if I feel like I’m getting hope it just scares me because I know it’s not going to work out. I feel like I should now never tell anyone about anything going on until it actually happens because I’m so sick of having to follow up with “It didn’t work out.” And right now, nothing has worked out. If this is a fistfight, I feel like I haven’t given a solid punch in forever. I just keep taking the blows.

At the risk of being a huge nerd, I am going to reference The Dark Knight right now, because this is what has been going through my mind for the past few days, and it fits so just go with.

In the film, Bruce Wayne is about to reveal that he is Batman because he feels responsible for the deaths of the people the Joker is killing, because he said he would kill someone every day until Batman came forward. Bruce asks Alfred, “What would you have me do?” Alfred replies, “Endure, Master Wayne. Take it.”

And this thought has been going through my mind constantly. Endure.

Maybe it will get better, so endure.
Maybe it will never get better, so endure.

I really don’t know too much of what is an absolute guarantee when it comes to life and faith in God. Some may tell you that you will be delivered from any conflict or trial, but I don’t know if that’s a guarantee. What about the martyrs who die for their faith in Jesus? They were not delivered. The men and women locked in prison walls that God never breaks down. They are not delivered, but they endure. There are men and women of faith fighting through cancer and another life-taking diseases, crying out to a God who has healed countless people but is not healing them. They endure.

If you’ve never prayed a Psalm 74, I don’t know if this can make much sense to you right now. I’ve never had cancer or been in prison, but face down in tears I’ve prayed, “Why have you rejected me forever, O God? I am given no miraculous signs and I don’t know how long this will be.” I’ve thought so many times that things were about to change, and then they did not. But somehow I endure, and it simply cannot be by my own strength.

Matthew 24:12-13
“Lawlessness will abound, the love of many will grow cold. But he who endures to the end shall be saved.”

James 1:12
“Blessed is the man who endures temptation; for when he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love him.”

Interesting. These verses give us some guarantees, but there aren’t any guarantees for freedom in this life. Jesus did not say, “He who endures until the end… of the year.”

The end? Death? Maybe some fights do not end until we end.

God may never deliver you in front of your family and friends. I don’t know if it is a guarantee that if you struggle for a while in life, eventually something will click and you will be rewarded and redeemed in life for what you went through.

You may never feel justified in this world, but maybe this is not the world that God is preparing you for.

Romans 8:18
“I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.”

What is coming in the next world cannot even be compared to this present one. I don’t think it should be called an “afterlife” because for those who believe, heaven is where life truly begins.

Endure, saints. Endure! God would not let you bear it if he did not think you could take it. Our Father, who is in heaven, looks upon us from eternity’s view. Eternity will reveal more to us than we can imagine, and it will reveal more in us than we ever knew was there.

I’ve seen God move mountains, and I’ve seen mountains crumble onto men. I have only come to realize that it is not my place to understand it all; it is my job to follow. You can stand there with your fist to the sky and demand God give you justice, which I’ve done, but I’ve found that it only produces more unrest and pain. If I have to be at odds with the world, then I want to be at peace with God.

Endure. Take it. I can guarantee you eternity will prove worth it.

2 Psalms, 1 God

2011-08-23T11:50:00.000-04:00

I love David. No not like that. King David, by the way. Although I do have a friend named David that I love… anyways… I love his writings and his life. I relate so much to him.

I’ve been reading through the Psalms and today this struck me about Psalm 21 and 22. I’ve said in my journal entries before that it seems like every other page is a different emotional trip for me. Some days I’m super excited, happy, and at peace. Some days I sound so depressed. Well, David makes me feel a little bit better about myself, and a little more normal.

Let’s just look at the beginnings of Psalm 21 and 22 to show what I mean.

Psalm 21:1-2
O Lord, the king rejoices in your strength. How great is his joy in the victories you give! You have granted him the desire of his heart and have not withheld the request of his lips.

Psalm 22:1-2
My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from the words of my groaning? O my God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer, by night, and am not silent.

It almost sounds like David is praying to two different Gods. One that is super attentive to him and gives him whatever he asks for, and another that doesn’t seem to care much about his needs and has perhaps even walked away from him.

So what does this tell us? Does David have multiple personality disorder? Is God playing some kind of good cop/bad cop thing?

What it tells me is that this is just real life. Sometimes your emotions will shift greatly from one page to another, because our days shift in their troubles from one day to another. Jesus even said it himself, “Each day has enough troubles of its own.” (Matthew 6:34)

We must also remember that just because the days are changing and the seasons are shifting, it does not mean that God is doing the same. God is just as much loving David in Psalm 22 and he is in Psalm 21. He is just as faithful in Psalm 22 as he is in Psalm 21.

You can say, “Well, I don’t feel like God is being loving towards me, he won’t even answer me when I call out,” but just because you don’t feel like he’s loving you, it doesn’t mean that he isn’t. We humans can’t even begin to know what the full extent of love looks like.

Some days are easier than others, that’s just the way it is. But God is worthy of praise and thanksgiving in all moments and days. And maybe that’s what David knew better than most.

Psalm 22:26
“They who seek the Lord will praise him.”

Not praising the Lord much? You’re probably not seeking him. This was a very big shot in the chest for me. True worshipers worship in spirit and in truth (John 4:23), not in feelings. If you seek the Lord you will praise him. So seek the Lord.

Weak Strength

2011-08-17T12:32:00.001-04:00

2 Corinthians 12:7-9
“To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

I think my anxiousness, frustration, and fear are pretty clear signs that I am not on the same tracks as God.

After spending some time repenting this morning, I realized just how weak I am. But God, being the wise and merciful teacher he is, showed me that I am just like he wants me to be: weak, and conscious of my weakness.

I know many people are the first part (weak), but finishing up the second part is where we can so easily miss it, as I have so many times.

A person who is not conscious of their weakness believes that the outcomes of life are based on their abilities and actions, not on God. They might be aware of God, and even give thanks to God for their blessings, but in their mind they think it was because of their hard work and determination, will power, etc… It always comes back to how hard they worked. I believe a person that is not conscious of their weakness asks many questions about how hard one is really trying with things in life, and makes more suggestions for them to do than they make offers to pray for them.

So many times I get so frustrated and discouraged, and the reason is that I have lost sight of the importance of my weakness and total dependence on God. And perhaps that’s why I have been going through it so much. God wants me to get this down, and this is what it takes to get it.

A real Christian should be weak and conscious of their weakness. I’m beginning to understand why Paul says, “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)

The weaker we are, the more glory the Lord receives. It doesn’t seem to make sense, does it? But it’s true. The Lord even says that weakness is what gives God the chance to show us not just power, but perfect power.

2 Corinthians 12:9
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

A person who understands their weakness will walk in more freedom than the wisest and strongest people in the world, because they won’t feel the weight of believing that everything in their life depends on their actions. They realize it is up to the work and grace of God to bring about anything good in their lives.

James 1:17
“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”

Now I’m not saying this is a call to sit around the rest of your life and do nothing; you don’t know you are weak until you actually try to lift something or do something else. Make efforts. Do stuff. But remember your weakness as a human, and remember your strength as a child of God. We’ve got to learn to see both at the same time. Maybe that’s why God gave us two eyes.

God is some kind of chemist, isn’t he? Always mixing things, like weakness and strength, but somehow it just works.

2 Corinthians 12:10
“For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

Guilt and Love

2011-06-28T13:11:00.001-04:00

Read Luke 22:47-62 before you read this post.

This morning I was reading in Luke 22 about Jesus’ arrest and Peter denying him. Such a heartbreaking story. We all like to think that if we were Peter we wouldn’t have denied Christ, but I am not so sure I wouldn’t have.

I’ve denied him so many times in my life. Denied his way by not waiting and listening to him. Denied his convictions and willfully sinned. He commanded us to “deny ourselves, take up our cross and follow him,” (Matthew 16:24) but I have done just the opposite. I’ve denied him, taken up my desires, and followed them to where they would lead.

Luke 22:61 is so sad. I can see it in my mind’s eye. Peter had just lived up to Jesus’ prophecy about how he would deny Jesus three times, and then the rooster crowed.

“The Lord turned and looked straight at Peter. Then Peter remembered the word the Lord had spoken to him… And he went outside and wept bitterly.”

Could you imagine the Savior of the world, on his way to the greatest human suffering of all time to save you from your sins, starring you in the eye right after you disowned him? Man, this story has so much weight to it. No wonder Peter went outside and wept.

The Gospel of Luke doesn’t talk about it, but the 21st chapter of Gospel of John tells us how Jesus reinstates Peter on a beach one morning after his resurrection. Jesus asks him three times if he loves him. Peter wasn’t an idiot; he knew what the three times meant. Jesus asks him if he loves him, then gives him instructions to feed and take care of his “sheep.”

Jesus chose the man who had just rejected him when the pressure was on to be the man he builds his church on. Jesus had told him earlier, too, that the devil had desired to sift Peter like wheat, but Jesus had prayed for him that he wouldn’t fail (Luke 22:31-32).

It is my personal thinking that Peter never forgot the face of Jesus on the night he looked at him right after he denied him. I don’t know how you could forget something like that. But if that was all Peter remembered then he would have just moved forward in guilt. All his works for the church would have been fueled by his guilt and inner regret.

When we are motivated by regret, I don’t believe we are moving in the power of God, because “there is now NO CONDEMNATION for those that are in Christ Jesus!” (Romans 8:1) None! Only the Son of God can set you free like that.

Peter didn’t go forth in ministry by being pushed on by his own regret and guilt; the Savior’s love, forgiveness, and call is what motivated him onward. And Peter moved forward under the power of Christ, and under his encouragement.

I don’t think Peter ever forgot the face of Jesus on the night he denied him, but more importantly, I don’t think he ever forgot the words of Jesus that morning on the beach.

We cannot serve the Lord out of guilt, regret, or sense of what we owe him. It makes it a game of works to be accepted by God. We serve the Lord because he loves us, and he has called us.

There is no scale with God where we have to fill up our side with works to balance out all that he’s done for us or given us, his side of the scale will always incomprehensibly outweigh ours.

He loves you. He desires you. You can’t earn love like that. You just can’t. Jesus desires those that deny him; he calls those that curse him. You can’t earn relentless love like that. His love is a fire that consumes our past mistakes, sins, and regrets until there is nothing left but his grace, truth, and love.

Jesus loves me, this I know.

Faith, Failure, and Hope.

2011-06-11T02:34:00.000-04:00

Do you ever get scared to pray prayers because you’re afraid God is going to answer them immediately? I’ll give you an example I’m kind of embarrassed of. I don’t pray for patience anymore. I honestly don’t because I’m scared God is going to cause my car to break down, or somebody will rob me, or someone will ask me if I can watch their brat 8-year-old who has found the only remaining bottles of Surge left on the planet and drank them right before I came over. I’m only 25, but quite frankly I don’t feel like I have the nerves left to learn patience anymore. Obviously, I am way wrong and have much more to learn in patience, and plenty more nerves left to burn out. I’d just rather pray for “supernatural patience.” You know, the kind God just downloads into your soul and you get it. Like Keanu Reeves learned kung fu in the Matrix.

But as you’ve probably learned, as have I, it doesn’t usually work like that. Life is full of lessons that can only be learned on the streets pain and in the schools of hard knocks. Mr. Rogers did his best while I was growing up, but there are some things that expressionless puppets can’t teach you. Who knew?

Yeah, I am afraid to pray, sometimes. Am I the only one who ever treats God like he’s this fortune teller/genie thing that is just waiting for me to screw up the magic words only for it to only result in the exact opposite of what I want to happen? I have somehow done it. I’ve minimized my Almighty God down to a bad made for TV movie.

I know the verses like Psalm 46:10, “Be still and know that I am God,” and Psalm 37:4, “Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.” But it is a whole other challenge to actually believe them and implement them into your mind. Isn’t it funny how we can know things are true and still not believe them? We’ve been conditioned to be doubters.

Every time I go visit my mom in Ft. Pierce, FL thereI usually try to go to the jetty at the beach and pray at night. It’s pretty much pitch black there so many of my prayers are to not get shanked and robbed. After that fear subsides I just look at the ocean and talk to God. That’s right Sunday School teachers, I am praying with my eyes open. I’ll return all my Bible bucks if you want. But not the candy, I earned it.

One night I was out there and I was praying and just thinking about the future and my life. Places I felt like I’ve failed. Areas I wish I could change but can’t. Overall frustrations with being a young man in pursuit of God. Now you can say that God no longer speaks, or that we can’t really ever know that it is God, but I would like to clearly state that I believe God still does speak to his children. I felt like the Lord told me that night that I have become a doubter. He told me that I was always looking over my shoulder waiting for something to break or to lose something I loved. I’ve become good at praising God through the hard times, and maybe so much so that I forget the blessings the Lord has promised his people. I’ve had some things in my life happen to make me kind of not the wide-eyed, optimistic believer that I once was. Some of it is part of the maturity process of getting out of new born faith in God, and some of it is just not of God.

I guess I’ve just become someone who is tired of getting his hopes up and being let down. So better to just be surprised than disappointed, right? While that might make sense in some worldly wisdom form, I don’t think it is how a God follower’s mentality should be. And the Lord cut me to the core that night.

People love a good underdog story, but no one wants to be in the beginning of one. We love the story of Joseph in Genesis, look at how glorious it ended! Second in command of all of Egypt!? Come on somebody praise the Lord! Can I get an “amen?” And yes, that is one of my favorite stories. The guy went through hell and God exalted him. We all want to be Joseph from Genesis 41, but no one wants to be Joseph from chapters 37-40. Having your own brothers throw you in a pit, getting taken out of the pit and sold as a slave, turning down sex and getting accused of rape, put in prison, and helping people in prison who get out and forget about you for years. No one wants to be that guy.

The world is quick to look at a chapter 37 Joseph and call him a failure. Give up man. It’s over. Quit trusting in your God that doesn’t bless you. Give up on your “dreams,” they were just dreams.

But if they would only wait until chapter 41. If they would only consider the end of the road. If we would only consider that maybe it is all a part of a process bigger than ourselves and bigger than our weak minds. That maybe God HAS indeed heard every single prayer we’ve prayed and seen every single tear we’ve cried. And maybe, just maybe, he knows and loves his precious children like he says he does.

One of my favorite verses is 1 Corinthians 13:12.
“Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.”

This verse clearly states that we just won’t understand some things. Many times we can see that God is up to something, but we just don’t know what it is fully. We get so frustrated that we don’t know the whole story or every detail of the work being done, but honestly, we’re just not going to know some things. At least not right now. But soon, we will see it face to face. We will see the completeness of the love of God and we will understand it. We will know fully. We really will get it.

The frustration of not knowing can lead to doubt. One time I felt so confused about things going on in my life and I was becoming convinced that I must have totally been missing God because I was confused, and God is “not the author of confusion (1 Corinthians 14:33).” Then I heard the Lord say, “You’re not confused; you’re just discouraged.”

If I feel like God is not being faithful, it’s because I don’t know what faith really is.
If I feel like God is not being good, it’s because I don’t know what good really is.
If I feel like God is not being loving its because I don’t know what love really is.

God is not a magician; he is the Creator. God is not a genie; he is the Good Shepherd. As my friend Mike once put it, “A really Good Shepherd.” It is all part of the journey in faith. Learning to bet it all on God. Accepting the hard times but trusting that the Way actually knows the way.

Pray on, prayer.

Viva La Resistance!

2011-06-01T00:17:00.001-04:00

On this Friday afternoon in Arlington, Virginia, I find myself sitting in a park I didn’t know existed. I’ve been up here a few weeks visiting my sister and brother-in-law. I don’t have a car so I’ve been walking around today. I saw this park so I decided I would stop here for a bit.

To get to this picnic table I am currently sitting at, and to hang out with these wonderful ants wandering around it, I had to walk down a somewhat steep little hill with no walkway or stairs. I’ve been walking around in the sandals I have been wearing for about the past four years, and being a Florida boy, I’ve worn them a lot. Upon my descent down the hill I quickly realized just how much I have worn them. I might as well have been wearing skis. There is little to no traction left on my sandals and I found myself going down the hill much faster than originally expected and intended. I even did one of those little hops near the end so I wouldn’t fall. I didn’t fall but I sure looked like a girl pirouetting around as I landed. Nancy Kerrigan style. Win-lose.

You never realize the importance of good traction until you are without it. There is just something about friction and resistance that makes things work. In no way do I understand physics or have even attempted to take a physics class in college, but I do know that life is built around it. Physically and spiritually. God has a way of taking things that seemingly work against each other and using them to produce growth and good things. Sometimes the friction hurts. Sometimes we don’t understand it or why it is happening, but either we believe Romans 8:28 or we do not.

“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.”

One of my favorite stories as a kid was the story of the prophet Balaam and his donkey that talks to him in Numbers 22. I thought talking animals were so cool. I guess I watched “Homeward Bound” one too many times.

The story goes like this: This guy Balaam would go around and speak what the Lord told him to, and inevitably upset a lot of people. (Another example of the friction a life for God can create.) One day Balaam saddled up his trusty donkey and hit the road. Problem was, he was headed down a road the Lord did not want him on. So God sent an angel to stand in the middle of the road. And it wasn’t one that was bringing “glad tidings of comfort and joy,” this one had a big sword ready to swing. The donkey was able to see the angel, so she stopped heading towards it. Three times the angel appeared on the road in their way, and each time the donkey would either try to walk away or sit down, to which Balaam would get angry and beat her for.

After the third time of this, God went Disney on them and opened the mouth of the donkey so she could speak. And she said to Balaam, “What have I done to you to make you beat me these three times?” And what is funny to me is that Balaam talks back to the donkey like it’s no big deal that she is speaking. “You made me look like a fool! If I had a sword I’d kill you!” The donkey said in reply, “Haven’t I been your donkey for a while now? Do I ever do stuff like this?”

Then God allowed Balaam to see the angel, and then he hit the ground. The angel said, “I am here to oppose you because your path is a reckless one before me. If your donkey had not turned away I would have killed you.”

God spared Balaam that day, more than just by not taking his life-breath. I wonder what would have happened if Balaam would have made it all the way to the destination God did not want him to go to.

When I think back on my own life I can think of multiple different times I was heading in the wrong direction without even knowing it. And that’s just in the metaphorical sense, let’s not even talk about how many times I’ve actually been lost in a car (especially in D.C. this week!) God has been so merciful to me and closed doors and gotten me off of paths that lead to destruction.

I wonder how many times God has put an angel in the road and we didn’t even know it.

We try so hard to make things work. The way of America is that if you have anytime to actually breathe then you’re not running hard enough. When we face hard times and opposition, we beat the donkeys we’re riding on to make them do what we want. Because if something is not going as we planned or as we’ve desired, the problem must be that we’re doing something wrong or not working hard enough. And we try our best to force the outcomes that we feel are best, or worse, that we feel we deserve.

I wonder how many times God has put an angel in the road and we didn’t even know it.

Psalm 37:23
“The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord and he delights in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down for the Lord upholds him with his hand.”

If we are seeking the Lord, and seeking his will, then he is going to be leading us, even when things are hard or confusing. It is the traction we need to actually get anywhere on our journeys. Psalm 23 makes it clear that the Lord is our Shepherd that leads us, but we still go through valleys of the shadow of death. Does that mean that God has led us to the valley?

I’m not saying that this is an easy thing. When things don’t work it is frustrating. I’ve literally laid my hands on people, prayed, and seen them healed right on the spot. I’ve prayed the same prayers with the same faith and seen them die. There really are no formulas to faith in God. Sometimes I don’t get it.

I have spent many times kneeling by my bed in tears, begging God to hear my requests. Wondering that if God is truly for me then why are there so many things against me? Why does it seem to work for others but not for me? “Why haven’t you come in power, Lord? Why haven’t you stepped in? How many mustard seeds of faith does it take to see a mountain move?”

Real life is full of questions like these. We may never get answers to many of our questions, but we don’t serve God because he is the question answerer, we serve him because he is the King.

Paul says in Philippians 3:10-11 we go through the journey with him “That I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being conformed by his death, if by any means, I may attain to the resurrection from the dead.”

Perhaps the greatest example of friction is the friction between death and life. You can’t get much more opposite than that. In the Kingdom of God it takes death to get life. Death of our will. Death of our desires. That we may know him. We share in his suffering, but even greater, we share in his resurrection and life!

Things are difficult? You’ve tried all you know to do? I wonder if there is an angel in the road. You can’t get them to love you? Your boss won’t notice you? I wonder if there is an angel in the road.

We need the resistance of the world. Our spirit needs the friction with the world. We need the traction, the uncomfortable ridges and breaks in our would-be smooth surfaces. You know what something with no traction is? It’s a slide. And there’s only one direction a slide will take you. Psalm 24 says, “Who will ascend the hill of the Lord? Who may stand in his holy place?” Go try to climb a hill in bowling shoes.

We need the trials and pain sometimes. Don’t be afraid to wait upon the Lord. I know waiting goes against everything most people tell you to do, but hey, maybe it’s time for a mutiny on what is ruling this world. VIVA LA RESISTANCE!

This is a Little Much

2011-04-26T18:08:00.004-04:00

This is one of my more transparent journal entries. I wrote it at 2am on Sunday night, and I almost didn't post it. But I hope that someone can relate to my struggles and screw ups and see that the grace of God is a powerful thing. Some people might not agree with this, but nobody agrees with everybody. Remember these are my thoughts, they don't have to be yours. anyways here goes...
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In Luke 16:10 Jesus says, “Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much…” Christian “entrepreneurs” use this a lot – “If you are faithful with a little, God will make you faithful with a lot.” And I am just now realizing there is a small, but major difference from the verse to the saying. And the difference is the words “God will.”

It is not sinful to desire growth and increase. God speaks many times to Israel about increase. It is not sin to want to become better at your craft and more skilled each new day. Ambition is not evil, and many possess what I believe is a spiritual gift to make things grow. If a small group grows because more people are being discipled by disciples, great! If a ministry grows because people have dedicated themselves to prayer, faith, and good works, then praise God! There is healthy growth that I believe God is all about.

The danger I am coming to see, at least in my own life, is that growth has become expected. It should be deserved like hourly wages for labor. You work hard, then you deserve a better life. You give, then you should be given to. It’s only fair. What goes around comes around and you reap what you sow. If you’ve been faithful with the little, then the clock is ticking down for when God makes you faithful with a lot.

Jonathan, you’ve been faithful to serve God in the prison by preaching and leading the music and doing other gigs for free, you deserve your reward of an increased career in ministry and entertainment. The crowds will only get bigger and your songs and sermons will only get better. Because God said, “If you’re faithful with the little, I will make you faithful with much.”

Wait. No. That’s not what he said. What he said was, “Whoever can be trusted with very little CAN also be trusted with much.”

And that is true. It has to be, I mean it’s in the Bible. And I think many, many times that if you are faithful with little that God will make you faithful with much. Sure. But our expectations and our sense of what is owed to us is what is killing us.

I find myself active in ministry and in pursuit of my dreams to do full time and funded what I love doing even now for free. But this American “I deserve” mentality has crept its way into my head and drilled a pipeline that has been feeding into my heart. I go and do what I do because I think it is going to lead to something bigger. All I am doing is paying my dues, getting my street cred, and building bridges that will inevitably take me to my dream life. I’m constantly looking over my shoulder for the right connection that is going to finally see me, love me, and take me to the top. And while, yes, I am doing good works that really do come from good motives, they are not solely fed by Godly desires. And this is the path that leads you out of the anointing of the Lord.

Want to see an effective man go to work and become ineffective? Get him out of the anointing of the Lord. Want to see someone full of potential go chase their tail? Get them out of the anointing of the Lord. That God-given, supernatural ability to be used. Just ask King Saul what it’s like when you lose the Lord’s anointing.

What if God’s whole plan all along was for you and I to serve where he places us, and to be content with what he has called us to do. God may have given you big dreams and desires to see a great accomplishment for the Kingdom that is off the scales, and he does give us dreams and visions like that. But I think that true faithfulness is about being committed and passionate for the work God has given you to do where you are. Only God can open doors anyhow. You can run yourself to death but if God doesn’t want to open a new door, he’s not going to do it. Oh sure you can go kick some doors open yourself, but don’t be surprised when it turns out to be one that leads to emptiness. And isn’t it so much better to knock on doors that God is waiting on the other side of? All this sounds like something Jesus talked about once… (Matthew 7:7)

God’s goal isn’t to screw with your head and heart. He’s not out to make you doubt your calling or your faith in him. But we must daily check our motives for our work in the Kingdom. God will reward us, that is a promise, but it might not be what we think that the reward should be.

There’s a line of a Lifehouse song that has been banging around in my head lately and I feel it lines up well with this—“I didn’t get what I want I got what I need…”

If you’re being faithful with the little, you can probably be faithful with much. But I wonder if there are some things that we are calling little that God is calling much. Perhaps some of the greatest accomplishments for the Kingdom of God show the least amount of results for the kingdom of this earth.

—Father, give us eyes to see things as you see them, and willing hearts to serve as you’ve called us to.—

Justification and Sanctification

2011-03-24T10:04:00.003-04:00

I thought this was a really good look at what the difference between Justification and Sanctification are. You hear these words a lot in church, but I honestly get confused on them. They are separate workings but should never be separated from each other. Meaning, they are 2 different acts, but they go together. I spent some time studying this morning about it and found this website that has a pretty good explanation.

http://www.ffruits.org/firstfruits02/justificationvssanctification.html

check out that page, it give some good bullet points that helped me a lot.

All the Single Babies, All the Single Babies

2011-02-11T17:26:00.002-05:00

Ah, wedding season is here again. But does it ever really end? If you’re like me then you have more wedding invitations on your refrigerator right now than you do pudding snacks on inside of it. I currently am living with two roommates who are engaged and getting married this semester, and last year I attended three weddings of my roommates from that year (not to mention all the wedding showers and engagement parties, etc…) And I went to a few more weddings of friends who I didn’t live with. I’ve been a groomsman, given speeches, DJ’d, MC’d, and sang in weddings for the past few years and there are five weddings on the radar for the next three months. So I have been around a lot of this stuff. And if anyone needs any kind of bridal magazine or pre-marriage books let me know, I’ve got a billion of them lying around the apartment and shoved under couches.

This is not to provoke sympathy, although it is welcomed, but this is to let you know that I have seen my share of nuptials. And I’ve gone solo to all of these weddings as well, which as you may know, is one of the things that can make you feel less confident in yourself than any other type of event. It can even be worse than going to the gym and seeing a girl bench press more than you. Not that that’s ever happened to me before.

Before I go any further let me just say that all of this is not directed to anyone who’s married. If I thought you were stupid for getting married I wouldn’t have attended your weddings. Even if I do think you are stupid for getting married, do you really care what I think? Why don’t you just go run to the arms of your spouse for consoling? Go on! Get out of here! We don’t need you! Right, guys? No but seriously, this is not directed at the married folks.

So here many of us sit. Single. Ready to mingle. No one to mingle with. It can get pretty depressing and discouraging sometimes. I mean let’s just be honest, watching everyone else seem to find their soul mates while you sit on the couch watching documentaries about nature on Friday night can be a bummer. And then they show all the animals finding their mates and you’re like “Ah come on, Discovery Channel!!” And then to top it all off, even Michael Scott is finally finding love.

You start to wonder why the heck God even has verses in the Bible like Genesis 2:18.
“The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a suitable helper for him.’” Or Proverbs 18:22, “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.”

So apparently this whole marriage thing is a good thing because they keep using the word good, and doesn’t the Bible also say that God will withhold no good thing from us? (Psalm 84:11) So what game is God trying to play here? Is it that old gag from the cartoons where they dangle the carrot in front of the horse to get it to move but the horse doesn’t realize he can’t actually get the carrot? Is God dangling this idea of love and marriage in front of us even though it’s not something we will ever get to?

If there’s something good then why don’t I have it? Why am I getting older and older and having less and less single friends while I stick it out by myself? Have I not sought the Lord as much as everyone else? Am I caught up in some kind of sin I don’t know about? Am I way behind everyone else in maturity and I’m really not ready for a relationship still?

Are any of these questions you have asked? I have asked all of them, and some I still ask.

You start to re-analyze your life and situations and thought patterns. You move from feeling you deserve love straight to thoughts that you’re in the wrong because you want the love of a spouse when really you should just desire God only. There’s got to be some middle ground there doesn’t there, though?

No, we don’t deserve love. We don’t deserve any good thing that the Lord has already blessed us with or will bless us with. But that being said, he still wants to bless us. And the Lord has given us an innate desire to be with someone. I don’t think it is evil at all.

I believe that the Lord should be the one who satisfies us, but what does the Bible say? “He satisfies your desires with good THINGS,” (Psalm 103:5). So God establishes relationships in our lives (with spouses and friends alike) that allow us to be satisfied, and though it is through a person, it is part of God satisfying us.

You’re not evil for wanting to belong to a loving relationship. It’s as natural as desiring food to eat. It’s a God given instinct. But just like with food, too much desire for it is where the problem comes in.

The danger I see in the American church today, though, is that in our efforts to uphold the sanctity of marriage and push for husbands and wives to live holy and fully in love with each other and in service to each other (which is a great thing to be preached and it very much should be) is that we’ve turned marriage into a destination and an idol. Now grant it, I am on the other side of this thing, but so many times it seems to me that we treat marriage like the starting point of actual, real life. “Alright, you’re married, now you’re officially a man.”

We think that people are just magically shot with a new dose of wisdom because they now wear a ring, or now they are way more advanced in their maturity than the single folks. And so, warped by this view, we turn marriage into a necessary achievement to obtain peace and to have purpose in life. It can so easily become an idol to people who are single. We desire it so deeply and passionately that it transforms into lust. Like some kind of Transformer from the movies… Optimus Bride? (ok yeah that was stupid.)

Church people do a great job of putting it on a pedestal, too. I truly believe that people may be in good intentions with me, but it’s crazy how many times someone has asked me how I’m doing, only to follow it up with, “Are you dating anyone?” I know they are just curious and want what’s best for me, but Church, how are we supposed to expect people not to view marriage as an idol when it comes up every conversation, and like it is something we are supposed to have by now that we don’t have.

>>Side note: Now for Jonathan Tony, I admit I bring a lot of it on myself with my stupid songs and “clubs” I’ve started. (But doing comedy you gotta use what’s in front of you, and then you blow it up.) And you won’t and don’t usually upset me if we talk about relationships and my views on them. And if you really know me I hope you can tell that I joke around about it a lot. That’s kind of how I view the power of humor- it can keep things in perspective. And I enjoy talking about it. If you’re ever unclear on what I’m really thinking just ask me. Ok side note over.<<

I know that God never intended marriage to be this. This destination. This goal. This idol that it can so easily turn into. Anything that takes the place of God is sin, and isn’t it just like sin to take a blessing of the Lord and pervert it so it becomes what takes us away from the Father?

When marriage changes from a blessing to a beginning point we miss out on so much of what God has done and is doing. The blessings and purpose of our past seem meaningless, just time we had to spend in time out until teacher let us back onto the playground. The work that we were able to accomplish because we were single seems pointless because we didn’t have anyone to share it with or take dorky pictures with and put them on Facebook. To put it bluntly- this is so stupid.

YOUR LIFE DOES NOT BEGIN AT MARRIAGE! See what large letters I use as I type to you with my own hand. People, we have got to get past the glory of a wedding and the thrill of changing a status to “In a Relationship.” We must grow up! I am speaking all of this to myself by the way. Jonathan, quit being silly. See? I really believe that the church cannot rise up until it grows up. And this is part of the growth process.

Let’s look at what are the facts for the singles out there. You are single. God is not rejecting you. You are single. If you seek the Lord and fear him, I truly believe that there is not much room to screw up something as lifelong and important as marriage. So apparently God has a plan for you right now that does not involve a partner yet. So what are you doing now? What are your advantages? I’ve heard it said of aspiring missionaries that if they are not serving like missionaries right now, then what makes them think they will do it when they get overseas? I believe the same goes for us. What makes us think marriage will kick life into high gear if we’re not already at work in what God is calling us to do?

Our lives must have completeness and meaning based on something that no man or woman can give. The source of our strength and realization of purpose must come from the Lord.

And now let me just be clear, I am pro-marriage. Yes, it’s a good thing. You don’t want to be standing at the altar on your wedding day and saying something like, “Hey, my life is perfectly fine and I’m wholly content without you, you know? But… I guess this is ok, too.” Of course a spouse will add joy and blessing to your life, but it cannot be what defines our lives. The truth is, we may never be married, and if we die unwed I don’t want to be going out feeling like I did not accomplish something. Marriage is not an accomplishment. It is a calling, and in itself a ministry of service to God.

So as we watch our friends ride off into the sunset with their husbands and wives, we must not sit back and wish the whole time that it was us... and like cut out their faces from the wedding pictures and put ours in them. Or randomly walk around throwing bouquets of flowers into random crowds of people. That kind of stuff can get you arrested. So let us remember the command from Romans 12:15, “Rejoice with those who rejoice!” Let’s be happy for people when good things are happening! And pray to God they remember we did and then will get us huge gifts when it’s our weddings!

You know who the happiest person I saw lately was? It was a little baby in church. Laughing and smiling at everyone. And I’m pretty sure that baby was single. So hey, if a baby can be single and happy with life, why shouldn’t we be, too? This is a call to be big babies.

Matthew 6:8
“Your Father knows what you need before you ask him.”

Do the Body Good

2010-08-23T22:19:00.000-04:00

So I’ve been doing some recording of my songs with my friend Jordan in his room, I call it the J-Dub Music Factory. It’s been a lot of fun, hearing something I wrote on a piano or guitar and adding more instruments to it is so cool to hear when it’s all put together.

The hardest part of it is when you hear what you just recorded played back, raw, unedited and with no accompaniments. You feel so exposed and nervous. Like a kid in middle school that just sent a note to a girl that says he likes her only to see her laugh at it with her friends while they point fingers towards me… I mean him. But anyways, you’re like, “Dang, that’s me? That sounds awful!” You hear yourself differently than you hear yourself singing in the shower. It’s pretty tough to hear, especially for a singer like me.

But what’s crazy is that after Jordan played the other instruments we’d recorded with me singing, it didn’t sound so bad. I was like, “Hey, I can actually listen to this. Not completely terrible.”

I think it’s the same thing with our daily lives in the Body of Christ.

Romans 12:4-5
“Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.”

It is my belief that there are no soloists in the Body of Christ. Sunday morning church may have told you differently. And trust me, I love Sister Maggie’s Sunday offering solo special as much as the next guy, but we’re not meant to sing our lives out alone. “Each member belongs to all the others,” we are each an instrument that was made to play in a glorious orchestra.

Just like the other instruments that were added helped to cover up the cracks, shallowness, and altogether weakness of my 12-year-old boy-like singing voice, as members in the Body we are meant to balance, protect, and uplift the other members.

Romans 12:15-16
“Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another.”

The Body is meant to care for the Body. Yet for so long we’ve been a masochistic body. Sometimes more than the world could ever hurt us, we’ve been hurting ourselves. Instead of rejoicing with those who rejoice, we get jealous. Instead of weeping with those who weep we say that they should get over it, or counsel them with all of our great wisdom and analyze their problems to death, when really they just need someone to listen to them.

A hand never goes to the places a foot has been. The foot was not really made to be a hand but got demoted; it was perfectly designed and placed by God to be a foot. A hand should not try to make a foot another hand. Nobody wants to try and eat a sandwich with a foot-hand. Gross. You’ve been perfectly designed and placed in the Body by God. Be who you are supposed to be in it! But the Body must work together.

I remember a Savior who was on his hands and knees as a servant, placing hands where feet step. I remember a Savior who was pierced in his hands and feet because he loved every part of the Body.

His body is our example, and we are his body. Really weep with those who weep. Really rejoice with those who rejoice. Be who you are in this great Body of Christ. Jesus told us to remember his body that was broken. So be pierced. Be humbled.

We are broken, and we belong to each other, and we all belong to Jesus. We are the body of a Savior who was “pierced for our transgressions and crushed for our iniquities,” but we are beautiful.

Layers Upon Layers Upon Layers

2010-04-12T20:43:00.000-04:00

Matthew 7:24-27

The Wise and Foolish Builders
24"Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. 26But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. 27The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash."

I had just graduated high school. My greatest dreams lay ahead of me. I could go anywhere I wanted to go, be anything I wanted to be. The possibilities were endless that summer.

So where else was there to go but to a tree farm to work out in the hot sun all the live-long summer. Every young, ambitious man’s dream. Obviously.

If you’ve never had to do manual labor for an extended period of time I suggest you try it. Apparently it builds character? Thanks for those words of wisdom, mom.

I learned many things at the blessed tree farm. Like what a man smells like who refuses to bathe. And that you can get a massive sunburn even if it’s cloudy outside. And also that if you drive a lawn mower over a PVC water pipe, that you will have created an erupting geyser in a split second.

Of all the wonderful things I learned there, I suppose the thing that most impressed me was that it’s much harder to plant a tree than you’d think. You don’t just drop the tree (with a 2-foot diameter root ball) in hole, kick some dirt in, spray it with some water and leave. The tree will die if you do that. I know. I saw them die. Not my fault of course.

To properly plant a tree you must put it in the ground and as you fill in the hole with soil, you must use a hose and continually wash in the dirt. It takes much longer than you’d think, and it is so vital that there are no air pockets around the roots. Fill in dirt. Wash it in. Repeat. Repeat. Get a blister. Repeat.

When you’re walking by a palm tree you really have no clue what the roots look like underneath and how important it is for its life that it was properly planted. You only see the surface, but the most important part of the tree is beneath the ground.

Have you ever had big, amazing, life changing moments in the presence of God? Maybe times where you’ve cried harder than you ever thought you could. Maybe the power of God was so strong you couldn’t even stand. Maybe you heard his voice so direct and so clear. Maybe you felt his love deeper than anything ever before. Maybe you saw a miracle. These are some of the moments we never forget. The ones we give testimonies about in church or on mission trips. The ones you know you would never even need a picture to remember it by because it will always be clear in your mind’s eye.

Those moments are great and important to our spiritual lives, but if we live waiting for the next big God explosion to blow our minds, I believe we will be people who are spiritually dying.

I think that like the roots of the trees, perhaps it is the things we will never remember that are the most important for our growth. Just because you can’t see them or remember them does not mean they were not impactful in a most important way. They are the daily times of communion with God that we must wash in over and over, a foundation of layers of continual faithfulness and seeking after God. And just because maybe you can only see or remember the top layer (perhaps what you read in your Bible yesterday) does not mean the other layers of time with God in the past have no relevance or significance.

We are building our foundations on the Rock of Jesus with every daily reading of scripture, prayer service, time of worship, and good deed. So when the rains come down, the streams rise, and the winds blow and beat against us we will not fall, because our layers are firm and our roots run deep. If our foundation is not solid, there’s no way anything on top of it will remain.

Jesus teaches us in Matthew 6 to pray, “Give us this day our daily bread.” The bread we buy from Publix was not the bread he was referring to. Real bread only stays fresh for about a day then it gets hard and stale. When I was in Paris I saw people go to the bakery every morning for fresh bread → une baguette. I think with God and man, it must be a daily walk, daily trust, daily praise, and a daily dose of grace and guidance. Our daily bread.

Just like the soil around the roots, the word of God must be continually washed into our lives. “Pray continually.” (1 Thessalonians 5:17)

You’re not going to remember every moment you ever spend with the Lord, just like Michael Jordan doesn’t remember every basket he’s ever made, but each moment with God is necessary to our growth. You can’t build on top of something that is not there.

Seek the Lord. Build layers on top of layers of intimate and precious moments with your God. Because I believe with all my heart that even if you don’t remember them all, your Father does.

Wave Pool Life

2010-03-08T20:55:00.001-05:00

When I was a kid I spent a lot of time at Ocala’s premier water park Wild Waters. Oh yeah, Ocala has it all. We even have TWO Wal-Marts!

Anyways, like most of the other kids in the park, I’d drop whatever I was doing or leave whatever line I was in and run as fast as I could (or walk safely if a lifeguard was around) to get to the wave pool whenever I heard that it was time for the “Wild Waters Waves!” A big, booming voice would come on every hour and announce that the once still waters of the giant wave pool were about to… well… wave. And I’m talking massive waves! The kind that could sink ships! It was always exciting.

On one particular wave experience, I turned out to not be as excited as I usually was. I don’t know if it was a bad corndog, too much energy spent from running all over the park, or if I was just too overcome with excitement, but for some reason these waves seemed a bit bigger than they were any other time before. And somehow I had gotten out into the middle of the wave pool and didn’t even have a raft.

The waves kept coming. Each one fiercer than the last. I found myself losing all of the energy I had once before had. With every second that passed it became harder and harder to stay afloat. My head kept going underwater and by the time I had kicked myself up enough to catch my breath I would start sinking again. There I was, an eight-year-old kid coming closer than ever before to what I knew of death.

At one point, I looked to the right and saw a girl around my same age floating on a tube with her dad swimming right next to her. In an act of desperation I reached out and grabbed onto her tube so that I could keep above water. And then, suddenly, the girl looked back at me and into my eyes… and she gave me the weirdest look I’d ever seen someone give me. Perhaps that was the first weird look from a girl I had ever gotten; I should have known right then that I would live a life constantly filled with many more.

After that girl stared into my soul and annihilated my self-esteem, I decided to let go of her floatation device. Apparently I would have rather died than take a look like that from a woman. (Nowadays I kind of embrace them; perhaps I am numb to them?)

As I tried my best to survive in those wild waters, completely exhausted and with shattered confidence, I prayed to God every second for the waves to stop. Finally they did. And thankfully, I did not die.

Years later, I still feel like I am in the same place as that awkward boy in the wave pool. Not really getting anywhere. Not really swimming. Just treading water. Trying not to die. So much effort spent on kicking and paddling as hard as my feet and arms can, but going nowhere. Just treading water.

The Psalmist, that boy, and now this man all pray the same thing:
“Save me, O God, for the waters have come up to my neck. I sink in the miry depths where there is no foothold. I have come into deep waters; the floods engulf me.” (Psalm 69:1-2)

It’s a frustrating place to be, especially when one of my greatest fears is wasting time I will never get back. But here I am, treading water. For all my dreams, attempts, and pursuits, I am swimming nowhere it seems. I tread water. I swim to keep myself from drowning.

I’m not dying, but am I really living? And is this life abundantly?

I am finding life is not a straight shot to the finish line. It is a road with intersections, turns, and traffic lights. Sometimes when we feel like we are stuck, just treading water and going nowhere, maybe we are really just transitioning.

2 Corinthians 4:16
“Therefore, we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.”

Maybe we are in another transition point in life. Some transitions are smooth and painless, but some are complicated and take more time than we expected them to. But this is real life. And I think that’s why they are called transitions and not dead ends, because we are going somewhere still, it’s just that things are changing. Time is not our enemy; it is a part of our process.

Being people that want to be continually moving forward is not a bad thing, but we must realize that occasionally the only action needing to be taken is the act of patience. If we are putting our trust in the Lord, we must put our timing in Him as well.

Sometimes saying, “I’ll stay where you have me,” is just as important as saying, “I’ll go where you send me.”

It’s amazing what a little shift in your perspective can do for your faith. Try looking at your situation a little differently, and know above all else that God is looking at your situation, too.

If it feels like you’re treading, maybe you’re really just transitioning.

Psalm 116:5-7
“The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion.
The Lord protects the simple-hearted; when I was in great need, He saved me.
Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.”

Casting and Baking

2009-12-29T23:37:00.002-05:00

So I’ve been in Ft. Pierce the past few days; naturally I had to go fishing today. Despite what you may have heard, I am the worst fisherman you know. I mean, if I believed in luck, I’d say all the Irish in my blood floats away from me the moment I get a rod and reel in my hands. I think I’m averaging about one fish a year. And that’s not an exaggeration. (And one of those fish I didn’t even hook; I just reeled it in and took the credit.)

I wish I were one of those people that could say, “Oh, it doesn’t matter if I catch anything. It’s just about being out there and being with nature.” But I’m not. I get annoyed. I get mad at the fish. “You stupid fish! Bite the lure! You’re not better than me, fish!” And of course there’s always some 10-year-old who’s catching sharks and whales like twenty yards down from me. And while I’m not catching fish, I just get to thinking about things and analyzing my situations. And thus, here I am with another journal entry.

I think life is a lot like fishing. It seems like we cast a lot. Always casting. Throwing it out there. Trying. Sometimes it works. The fish bite. People like you. You reel in a big one. Things work out pretty well, and it’s enjoyable. But a lot of the times you just cast. No one bites. You try a different spot; try something new. No bites. Apparently, even the fish don’t want to be around you, and they’re fish. And then you start to rethink mama’s words of wisdom, “Oh, there’s plenty of fish in the sea, Sweetie.”

But we cast on. Waiting. Praying. Just thinking maybe this will be the cast that works. Praying that if God really loves you, you’ll get something on this cast.

And then… suddenly. What’s that?! A tug. A nibble. You feel the rod shake a little. Finally! You start to reel in quickly. This must be a big one! Look at the rod bending! Alright… wait. It’s stuck on a stupid rock.

Once again, it’s disappointment, a moment of hope and excitement, only to be let down again. And it kind of feels worse because you got your hopes up. But maybe that’s life—a lot of casting, and a lot of reeling in seaweed.

When the fish aren’t biting, there’s nothing you can do about it. There is nothing in your tackle box that can make a fish want to bite. And if you’re like me, that is the most frustrating thing in the world. Being helpless to change a situation. And no amount of casts, tries, or even prayers can change it.

Sometimes we just cast.

If we’re real with ourselves, I’m sure we can look back on many times in our lives where the fish weren’t biting, and there was nothing you could do about it. Prayers didn’t change it. Your tears didn’t change it. And of course, your heartfelt words might as well have not even been spoken.

Sometimes the fish aren’t biting.
Sometimes we just cast.

But you know what I started realizing on each cast? I was getting better. Each cast was going farther. In fact, I almost caught a bird. And I would have, too, but I didn’t want to deal with a bird on a hook.

And maybe the Master of the waters knows something we don’t about these fish. It’s hard to see when you’re just standing there feeling like an idiot with a stick and a hook, but maybe there is something going on below the water that we can’t see.

Sometimes there’s nothing you can do, and that is alright.

I’m not much of a baker either, but I do know a few things about cakes. When you’re making a cake from scratch you have to crack the eggs, put in the flour, pour in the oil and the water, add something else I probably don’t know about, and then mix it. Mix it all in. Keep mixing. Then pour it in the pan. But then, you put it in the oven and leave it.

There is nothing more you can do now. It’s the oven’s turn to do something you cannot. You must let it bake.

You must let it go, and let it bake.

In some situations, I believe there comes a time in our process when we must give it over to God, stop working and wrestling with it, and let it bake. It’s a time that the Lord will release you to let it go, and there’s nothing more you need to do but wait. Wait while He does something you cannot do. Let it bake.

Psalm 27:13-14
I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.

Never stop praying. Never stop casting. But we must remember that God is continually teaching us, and that He loves us very much. If you are doing what you can do, He will do what you are not able to do. And if the fish aren’t biting, maybe He knows something you don’t. I think Jesus knows a thing or two about fishing (check out John 21.)

Sometimes we can’t make the fish bite or the cake bake, but at some point the fish have got to eat, and at some point you’ll be eating some pretty good cake.

Christmas Is Coming

2009-11-30T22:19:00.001-05:00

I think when I have kids I’m going to make them wait until they are at least 9 or 10-years-old until we celebrate Christmas with gifts and food. I’ll make them watch the neighbors put up lights, and go to school and hear about their friends’ gifts and what they got to play with. I’ll make them sing “Silent Night” when other kids are singing “Here Comes Santa Claus.” And on Christmas morning we will wake up early, run down the stairs, I’ll read them the Christmas story from the Gospel of Luke, then go outside and paint the house, mow the lawn, and do some cleaning. But all through the day and the holiday season I’ll simply say to my kids, “Your Christmas is coming!”

Some people will call me the meanest dad in the world (probably my kids will say that), others will call me Ebenezer Scrooge, some will try desperately to bring me Christmas cheer and sneak my kids candy and gifts, but with a big smile on my face I’ll say “Thank-you” and give it all back to the kind people while I tell them, “Their Christmas is coming!” Then, they will look at me like I’ve lost my mind, my children will cry, and Santa will send out assassin elves with my name and address. But if they would just stick around until my children’s 9th or 10th Christmas they would be amazed.

They will stand and watch in jealousy as a semi-truck filled with all sorts of presents and candy pulls up in my driveway and dumps it all on my front yard. And then some will cry in awe and amazement as Mickey and Minnie Mouse themselves land on our yard in a private helicopter and take my children, my wife, and I to Disney World for the rest of December, with special tokens to ride first on every ride. And as I walk onto the helicopter, Mickey will hand me a microphone turned up loud enough for all who listen to hear me say, “I told you their Christmas was coming.” And off we will fly, and my children won’t be thinking about the past decade of present-less Christmas mornings or how they didn’t believe Daddy’s promise. They will only be thinking about how great things are and laugh in excitement about what else is in store for them and their long awaited celebration of our Savior’s birth.

So you’re asking yourself now, “Why are you going to do that?!” And my answer is basically, “I want my children to learn how to wait when they are young.”

Think about it. In the future, when they are grown, while others are freaking out over a couple of months or days and how they haven’t heard back from a job or college or some other situation, my kids will stand like statues in patience and say, “What? This? This is nothing! I once had to wait 10 years for Christmas! I can handle this short amount of time.” Then they will call me and say, “Ah Dad, you’re the smartest man alive! I’m so glad we learned how to wait.”

Man, think about if it actually happened like that. I’m kind of mad that my folks didn’t do that with me. Because here I am, 24-years-old and it’s the same thing over and over again with me. Ol’ Jonnyboy has to learn to wait. And he has to learn how to over and over again, possibly because it never can sink in or stick with him in his head, heart, and soul.

Maybe God is not so far off from this “No Christmas” method as we think. So many times I’m watching people achieve what I’m trying to achieve, get in a short amount of time what I’ve been waiting or saving for, or find so easily what I have been searching so desperately for. And when I look at Father, completely in shock or heartache as to why I don’t have it yet, He just smiles back at me and says, “Your Christmas is coming.”

Why aren’t the promises of God good enough for me? Why do I have to question every word or prompting of the Holy Spirit with responses like, “But how long…” or “I know, but…” or “Well how do I know that’s really even you saying these things?”

Why aren’t the promises of God good enough for us?

God does not speak random words or waste His breath. In Genesis 1, every word He spoke created something. And I think it’s still that same way with the words of the Lord today. Every word of God is a promise.

1 Thessalonians 2:13
“And we also thank God continually because, when you received the word of God, which you heard from us, you accepted it not as the word of men, but as it actually is, THE WORD OF GOD, WHICH IS AT WORK IN YOU WHO BELIEVE.”

See, that’s the thing I’m coming to see about the word of God. It’s not always God tells you something or promises you something and then BANG! it happens. The word of God is something that “is at work in you who believe.”

Maybe one of the reasons we have so much trouble with waiting on the promises of God is because we don’t realize it is a process. It is “at work” in us, and we are not complete.

God speaks. He speaks life and good things. God desires to bless us. It’s not wishful thinking to believe in something better coming, it is faithful thinking. Yes, sometimes we suffer, sometimes God takes away, and sometimes we lose. But that is also because the word of God is at work in us.

We all know the expression “time flies…” And soon enough we’re looking back on our lives and wanting to go back to certain points, all the while wishing this future with a better life would hurry up and get here. We are never satisfied with now. I want to live a life where I am thankful for my past, excited about my future, and content with my present. That doesn’t mean that I don’t make strides towards bettering myself or wait for more to happen, but it’s very important to not get caught up in the “then” when God is using you in the “now.”

I don’t want to live a life where I’m always saying, “When ‘this’ happens, then I’ll…” or “When I get ‘that’, then I’ll…”

God is continually at work, even if we don’t see it. It may just be a feeling or unction, but He is at work.

2 Peter 3:9
“The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.”

The word of God says it—the Lord is not slow in keeping His promise! I believe that He doesn’t want our souls to perish as well as our hope. God is not out to destroy our faith and our hopes, even though sometimes I’ve felt like He was. He’s a good Father, and a Good Shepherd. He knows what we need, as well as what we don’t need.

Let the word of God be at work in you. Your Christmas is coming.

He Knew...

2009-11-20T01:15:00.000-05:00

The older and wiser I am getting, I am becoming wise enough to know that I know pretty much nothing about life. Some scholars would call it “diddly squat.” Although I learn from all of my experiences, one of the greatest things I’ve learned is that no two experiences are the same. Yes, it can be quite frustrating. And then throw women into all of this, and it’s enough to make your brain cry.

Now the funny thing about all of this is that my God is omniscient. All knowing. He knows all the details of the past, everything to come in the future, and the answers to the ever illusive question—“Why?” So my God knows all of this, and here I am, ever standing with my hands in my back pockets and my shoulders shrugged. If I am a child of the Living God, it seems we’re not really living up to the “like father, like son” phrase.

But the good news for us pea-brains is that if we lack wisdom, we can ask, and God will give it generously (James 1:5). And I’ve had a lot of moments where I have prayed for wisdom and seen things happen or said that I know for sure I did not have much to do with.

So case closed—you are smarter off with the wisdom of the Lord.

Ah yes, that’s a great thing, but what about those tunnels where the light has just turned off at the end of them? The future. What we can’t see.

I wish there was another verse in James that said, “If anyone of you are curious about the events of your future, he should ask God, who gives generous amounts of info and spills the beans like a little sister who just found out her brother has a girlfriend.”

But apparently that verse was removed by the scribes of old.

What is our obsession with the future? Is it our insecurities that want so desperately to know that we be alright and taken care of? Is it because we are scared of wasting our time on things that won’t last? Or is it just straight up curiosity? I don’t know; I for one don’t want to flip to the last page of my life-book. I’m pretty sure it ends with the main character dying… soooo predictable!

It’s funny how I can get jealous of Jesus and His all-knowing power. “Man, Jesus, you didn’t have to worry about the future, cause you knew it all…”

What a punk I am. Seriously.

Could you imagine knowing everything Jesus did? In Mark 8:31-32 and 10:32-34, He predicted His death. He knew it was coming. He knew, and still He died. He knew, and still He came to earth. That humbles me to no end. He knew…

He knew that I would sin and deny and reject Him, and still He died. He knew that the Gospel would be perverted and churches would divide over insignificant matters, and still He died. He knew that His words would be manipulated and misused to justify wars, slavery, and domestic abuse, and still He died. He knew the sin of the world would fall upon His body, and still He let it be broken.

What a Savior. What a glorious King. I could never have known that and went through with it, so Jesus took my place.

He knows the extent and the disgracefulness of our sins, and He washes them away so we don’t have to see ourselves for the wretched creatures we are. He sees us as forgiven, through the blood of Jesus and His propitiation.

Maybe God is smart enough to know that we shouldn’t be that smart. Think about Adam and Eve and when they “got smarter.” Or even Abraham when he knew he was going to get a son, he tried to take a short cut there with Hagar. That kind of wrecked a lot of stuff. I’m pretty much convinced that if I knew the end result of many things, I would find some way to screw it up by trying to speed up the process.

In M. Blaine Smith’s book, KNOWING GOD'S WILL, he says, “God leads us as much by information He withholds as by information He gives!”

We’ve got to trust that the Giver of all truth and wisdom is the smartest and wisest one when it comes to our lives.

Seek and fear the Lord and make decisions. And be wise enough to know that we don’t need to know everything. The moment you understand that you won’t understand everything, you might begin to understand some things.

1 Corinthians 2:9-10
“However, as it is written: ‘No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him’—but God has revealed it to us by His Spirit.”

Knock Knock. Who's There?

2009-08-22T11:58:00.001-04:00

They say that opportunity only knocks once, but I think that saying was made up by someone who only had one door in his life. I’ve come to find my life is full of many doors. Many choices. Many directions. And many door-to-door salesmen. And in the midst of all the ringing doorbells and junk mail, Jesus stands at the door and knocks. (Revelation 3:20)

Currently, I am in a battle of who I could be and who I should be.

Have you ever questioned decisions you make in life and analyze every last detail about them? When dealing with a calling of God on your life, you will most likely ask many times, “What is foolishness and what is faith?” Will I look back and say, “Look what the Good Lord has done,” or “Good Lord, what have I done!?”

It’s a tricky journey this life, full of deceptions, ladders that take you to the top only to find out that the top is just the bottom of another level, and greener grass that you may discover burns just as easily as the grass on the other side. And let’s not forget about fear. Fear of failure. Fear of becoming our parents. Fear of having to say, “I was wrong.”

Is there such a thing as a safe bet or a sure shot? And if we choose to stand for what we feel God is calling us to do, that doesn’t mean He won’t let us break. Matthew 21:44 says, “He who falls on this stone (Jesus) will be broken to pieces.” Is that what answering the call of Jesus means? A life full of brokenness? Is the way of Jesus really the wisest way to go? The man was a poor, homeless vagabond. One time He even had to make a miraculous catch of a fish with a coin in his mouth just to pay his taxes. (Matthew 17:24-26) So does a life with Jesus mean we have to depend on miraculous catches and just pray to God the fish are biting today?

Is that really what life is? Saying, “God, I am wholly dependant on you for everything because I have nothing else to rest upon but your words.” That is abundant life?

That is abundant life. And I want to live.

Here’s the deal, at least for me, and I don’t mean to sound conceited, but I really feel I could play “the game” and be “successful.” From what I’ve seen in most of the business world, it’s a matter of meager talent and who you can schmooze over to be successful. Anyone could play the game. People love hearing what they want to hear, and if you tell it to them they’ll love you for it. It’s not hard to find success in you chase after it. But is that success in the eyes of the Lord? I’ve got a hunch that anything the world views as good, God views it as just the opposite. And really, anything I’ve ever done that’s amounted to any form of success is only from God and through God.

Now this is not to say that anyone who brings home a paycheck is not honoring the Lord. By no means am I saying that. Trust me. But when it comes to the calling of God on each one of our lives, we had better make sure we are chasing after His view of success and what He wants for our lives. Many people may give you advice contradictory to what you have heard from the Lord. And I’m not saying don’t listen to advice or wisdom, but be careful what kind of wisdom you are listening to. I’ve come to find fear can sound a lot like concern.

So many decisions. So many knocking doors. A relentless, jealous God who chooses to knock on your door instead of knocking it down.

So many choices. One God.

Matthew 6:24
No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other.

What is God calling you to do? A decision for what God’s calling you to do may seem crazy, and in the viewpoint of worldly success it may be ridiculous, but God is a Good Shepherd. He knows how to lead His sheep to the right pastures.

Remember Psalm 23. God is such a Good Shepherd. We will not want. A life without God will leave you wanting God. A life with God will leave you wanting nothing else.

Matthew 6:33
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Believe Now

2009-08-12T10:34:00.001-04:00

John 2:19-22
Jesus answered them, “Destroy this temple, and I will raise it again in three days. The Jews replied, “It has taken forty-six years to build this temple, and you are going to raise it in three days?” But the temple he had spoken of was his body. After he was raised from the dead, his disciples recalled what he had said. Then they believed the Scripture and the words Jesus had spoken.

God is huge. Massive. Indescribably big. Sometimes when He would bring His presence to earth He would come with fire or lightning and thunder, or some powerful, visible force.

Exodus 20:18
When the people saw the thunder and lightning and heard the trumpet and saw the mountain in smoke, they trembled with fear.

Sometimes it’s really easy to look at the signs and say, “Oh yeah, that’s definitely God.” But sometimes God does not come like you think He will, or even wish He would. In 1 Kings 19, God appeared to Elijah, and there was a great and powerful wind, an earthquake, and a fire, but God was not in them. Then, came a gentle whisper, which was the Lord.

Why does the Lord come in ways that are so hard to be sure of sometimes? Why doesn’t He just write it on the wall or send us angels in dreams? I could give you the answer that most would say (and is correct)—faith. But my honest answer right now is this: I don’t know.

I really have no clue why God doesn’t always speak up loud when we are desperate and broken. Why does it have to be a still small voice?

I really can’t figure it out, but I do know this, God actually speaks to us. He really does.

Luke 10:27
My sheep listen to my voice; I know them and they follow me.”

Don’t even question it. Jesus still speaks.

What sticks out to me from the passage of John 2 is that it wasn’t until after Jesus had risen from the dead that “then they believed the Scripture and the words that Jesus had spoken.”

Here’s a phrase we are all familiar with: “Uh huh? Prove it.” “Really? You’re better at this than me? Prove it.” “Yeah? You are friends with Justin Timberlake? Prove it.” Let’s face it, when we get down to it, we are not very trusting or believing people by nature. And those of us that are quick to believe to believe are referred to as “naïve.” Maybe the fact that we are so slow to believe can be attributed to years of disappointing moments, being fooled too many times, or maybe we just don’t watch enough Disney movies anymore. Whatever the reasons are, it’s true that we are not quick to believe in most things. The same was with the disciples of Jesus.

When it comes to the words of the Lord, many times all we will have is His words. No other signs. And if your life is like mine, sometimes it seems that things are happening just the opposite of what the Lord’s words are. But those are the times we must look back on our lives and the old stories in the Scriptures, and how the words of the Lord have always been true and done just what they said they would do.

In Isaiah 55, the Lord compares His words to the rain that falls and waters the earth.

Isaiah 55:11
So is my word that goes out from my mouth: it will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

So it’s a fact: God’s word will never fail.

What if we were a people who didn’t have to wait for the proof before we believed the words of the Lord? The disciples had to wait until Jesus actually resurrected until they believed His words; what if we were a people who took Him at His word?

Jesus told Thomas, “Blessed are those who have no seen and yet have believed,” (John 20:24). It is possible to believe without “the proof.” The proof is the unfailing voice of Jesus.

But the age old question is, “Well, how do I know that it’s God?” We all ask it. I ask it everyday. And really, it’s a good question to ask. But let’s be real, most of the times we ask that, we are using it as a defense to what God is telling us to do. “How do I know that’s God? It might not be so I just won’t do anything about it.” Sound familiar? If it doesn’t, you’re probably lying. Now go repent…

Alright, welcome back. I hope the confession was good for your soul.

I feel that we sell God so short on how and how often He speaks. God is speaking all the time. The question is: are we listening all the time? I’m not saying we never need to pray about anything or seek advice and counsel, but I think most of the reason we are not seeing bigger things of God in our lives is not because we keep mishearing God, but because we aren’t doing anything about what we do hear.

“Prove it. Prove that’s God’s voice.” You prove it! Prove it by doing something with it. And honestly, so what if we get things wrong once in a while? Really, it’s not that big of a deal. Would you rather be a person who never acts on anything because “what if I’m wrong sometimes,” or a person that believes the words of Jesus before He has physical proof?

God is not setting us up to fail. And the devil isn’t speaking words like, “Hey, go witness to that person,” or “What if you just did something radical and crazy for Jesus?” I’m 100% positive you don’t have to worry about the devil prompting you to move forward in the Kingdom of God.

Jesus is speaking. I believe He’s calling so many of us to do great things everyday. It might be a little uncomfortable, it might not make much sense, you might not see a dime in it, but it just might be Jesus. I’d say take some chances, but I don’t feel it’s a matter of chance; it’s a matter of faith.

What could be done for the Kingdom if we learned to believe and act on the word of the Lord? Don’t wait for the proof, prove it yourself.

Luke 10:28
[Jesus] replied, “Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and obey it.”

You Gotta Know He Knows

2009-07-31T12:55:00.002-04:00

Luke 12:22-34

I’m kind of up against the wall here lately. Waiting to see what happens with where I’m going to live in less than 15 days, how I’m going to pay for it if I do get a place, and just other things like my ministry that I feel I’m supposed to be doing. I feel God has spoken to me and given me words and scriptures and al that, but nothing has happened. I’m standing very much empty handed and putting all my hope in something I think I’ve heard from God.

Now this can be quite nerve racking if I let it be. You can very easily start to freak out and think things like, “Well, what if that wasn’t God?” “How do you even know God is speaking to you?” “Are you being lazy and just calling it ‘Waiting on the Lord’?” It’s really easy in these times for the enemy to creep in and blow all of that up even more, too. Literally, I am living on a prayer… ooooohhhh I’m half way there…

So it’s in these times that our faith is put to the test and we realize if we really mean the songs we’ve been singing. Is God really mighty to save? Is nothing impossible for Him? Even the old kid’s song, “My God is so big, so strong and so mighty, there’s nothing my God cannot do! (For you!)” You have to pretty much look at yourself and say, “Do I believe these words or not?”

We must believe. We must believe that God ACTUALLY SPEAKS to His children , and that Jesus IS the Good Shepherd and knows how to lead His flock. We must believe that if God’s put it in you, then it will be so.

See, the problem is that so many people give up on the promise and their faith because nothing’s happened. We live in a society where success is measured by time. If you haven’t graduated by [now] it means you’ve been screwing around too long. If you don’t own your own business by [now] you’re not trying hard enough. If you ain’t married by [now] it means something’s wrong with you. In the Kingdom of God, though, it’s not about time. It’s about faith and the voice of the Lord. Don’t be afraid to wait. Patience and laziness are two entirely different things.
Hebrews 6:12
“We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised.”
Faith and patience always get the promise.

If you’re in the middle of July in Florida, how could you ever believe that it will get cold and Christmas will come if we haven’t seen it happen before? It’s like 900 degrees in summertime. You can’t even walk outside without shoes on because your feet will melt into the pavement and you’ll be stuck there to the ground like a statue, waving at people walking by. You can’t feel winter coming. You can’t see it coming. But it always comes. And we know it will because we’ve seen it happen before. In the same way, remember the things the Lord has done in your life and know that He will do it again. He is more faithful than the seasons.

So don’t lose heart because it seems like things are taking forever and will never come about, it’s a testing of your faith.

Jude 3
“I felt I had to write and urge you to contend for the faith that was once entrusted to the saints.”

Sometimes you have to fight for your faith and persevere for your peace. I know there’s been times been times where I’ve been going through something and I’ve prayed and then God has given me peace about it, and then in no time I’ve lost that peace. Does that mean that God never gave it to me? No. it just means that you have to fight to hold onto what God gives you sometimes. We have an enemy that wants to take what God gives you.

John 10:10
“The thief comes ONLY to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”

You know sometimes I forget that God is stronger than the world He created. It’s all His. He knows what He has made and how it works. And I think these verses sum everything up:

Luke 12:29-31
“29And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. 30For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. 31But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.”

It’s comforting to know that God knows. He knows what we need even before we ask. So ask. Don’t lose hope just because you can’t see what’s happening or how it all plays out. The only we need to see is Jesus.

-------------------
The day after I wrote this, I got a call from two of my close friends, Alex and Mike, about them needing a place to live, so we’re getting a place together now. I didn’t know where I was going to be living in a matter of days, but God provided!

Leggo My Ego

2009-07-22T15:07:00.004-04:00

I’ve recently been dealing with a lot of new theologies and theories that have been presented to me. I guess it’s a sign of maturity in your faith when you start to see that life is not one big Sunday School class.

I consider myself open, but also very closed off when it comes to my faith. Certain things I will never be shaken on, they are the foundations of my faith, but some things I am open to at least thinking more about and researching and asking questions about.

But lately I’ve been frustrated because, quite frankly, it is annoying at how many differences we have over the Bible. I wonder if God is annoyed, too. But if He is, you’d think He would have written things out more clearly, where there are no grey areas. But come to think of it, I guess He did that with the Law and all those very exact rules written down, AND STILL people couldn’t get it. And now at least we have the Holy Spirit, the one who helps us understand in our faith.

The more I search for knowledge and the more I look outside of just the scriptures to things like commentaries, preachers, and books, the more I see that things aren’t as clear as I wish they were.

The problem I see in much of it, though, and even in Godly men and women, is there is a three letter word America is quite familiar with… “Ego.” I mean it’s amazing the extent of claims people will make just to say, “Look, I’m right!” There’s an old John Reuben lyric that’s always stuck with me, “We could agree to disagree and move on, but humans love proving each other wrong.”

What is man’s obsession with being right? It’s contradictory to itself because the more they want to be right, the farther they move away from Truth. The need to put someone in their place or be the first to figure something out becomes the obsession, taking away the obsession and desire they should have for the Lord.

Some men have such a desire to break away from the tradition and the acts of being conservative. But I think some people want to be so edgy that they end up falling off the edge. They end up in territory that is completely false, but they’re there so they stick with it and take the “The church can’t hang with me” cross and act like they’re a martyr for their faith, when in reality, they are the ones who have killed it themselves.

Now I’m not saying the pursuit of knowledge of the Scriptures is wrong and that we should all be satisfied with what we learned 10 years ago and leave it at that. But we have to keep ourselves in spiritual check. Keep an attitude of humility. Because the Bible makes it clear-
1 Corinthians 8:1-3,
“Knowledge puffs up but love builds up. The man who thinks he knows something does not yet know as he ought to know. But the man who loves God is known by God.”

I think a good way to tell people’s motives behind their pursuit of a deeper knowledge of God is to see how quickly they are willing to get into a debate, and how quickly they are willing to help someone. True wisdom is preceded and followed up by humility.

The thing about God is that He hates pride. So in your pursuit of knowledge, get ready to be put in your place by the Living God. Check your motives for what you do. But yes, seek seek seek after the Lord! Go deeper! There is so much of God that we know nothing about! He wants us to find Him in new ways. But we cannot let our desire to know take the place of our desire to know God. And to be honest, our minds will never fully comprehend God. If you work Him down to rationality, you’ve missed Him. He is not a God of facts, He is a God of faith.

2 Timothy 2:23
“Have nothing to do with foolish arguments, because you know they produce quarrels.”

So lets stop trying to prove each other wrong and start trying to prove that we love each other.

John 13:35
“By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

Well, I can’t think of a better point to prove than that.

Help of Man = Dumb

2009-07-20T11:32:00.001-04:00

Psalm 108:12-13
“Give us aid against the enemy, for the help of man is worthless. With God we will gain the victory, He will trample down our enemies.”

Nehemiah 5 (specifically verses 5 and 9-12)
5:5 “…But we are powerless, because our fields and vineyards belong to others.”

Nehemiah was trying to rebuild the wall in Jerusalem and some of his workers who were poor were dealing with problems put on them from their own people. (Neh 5:5 – Although we are of the same flesh and blood as our countrymen…) They had their sons and daughters in slavery because their fields and vineyards belonged to others, even though it was theirs.

What in your life has God promised you or given you that seems like the enemy has taken? Love? Peace? Family? Even possessions? I can think of things in my own life.

This is not a prosperity message, but I do believe that God wants to restore and rebuild in our lives. In John 11:25 Jesus said, “I am the resurrection and the life;” He is life from death. He is the transformation and the restoration. If God has promised you something, then it is yours because His word is good. But someone is always going to want what the Father gives you, because every gift He gives is good. (James 1:16-17, 1 Corinthians 4:7)

John 10:10
“The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.”

So Nehemiah goes to the ones who were causing the trouble to his people in verses 9-12 and calls them out and demands that they give it al back and fear the Lord. And verse 12 says that they did!

We must not let ourselves get taken advantage of by the enemy! He is always looking to destroy our faith, love, joy, peace, and our families by using lies and fears of this world. We must not let him, because God has given us His fields and vineyards to produce good things.

See that’s the thing about God. He doesn’t just bless you so that you can sit on it and say, “Look how much God loves me.” He blesses you so you can bless others, and you can say, “Look how much God loves them and me.”

In times like these, we must put our faith in God, not in the wisdom of man, because “the wisdom of man is foolishness to God,” (1 Corinthians 3:19). And Psalm 108 says, “the help of man is worthless, with God we will gain the victory.” Key words there – “With God,” not “with man.”

Go with God and get some victory in your life. It’s coming. It really is coming.

Bread and Fish in Hand

2009-07-17T15:06:00.001-04:00

John 6:1-13

I feel kind of like the boy that went to hear Jesus speak to the 5,000, and all I have is 5 loaves of bread and 2 lousy fish. Odds are they were not the finest pieces of bread and the most desirable fish that kings would want. But our King did.

I struggle so much with insecurities and what God is and has called me to do, who I am in general, how I look, and my abilities. I really feel like if you put everything together that I have, it probably would not amount to much more than 5 pitiful pieces of bread and 2 plain fish. But for some reason, Jesus wants that. He wants me.

The beauty of it all is that when our loaves and fish are put into the hands, the holy hands, of Jesus Christ, we can watch them become something so much greater. He can use them, multiply them, taken them so much farther, and actually feed people with them.

To me, and everyone else, all we may see is a sorry excuse for a meal, but Jesus sees a great feast. Our gifts, our callings, our desires… they all belong in the hands of Jesus, as well as our lives completely.

I’m putting what I have in the hands of Jesus and expecting to see miracles and watch Him take what I have and use it far beyond what I have ever thought I could possibly do with it.

--Jesus, this is all I have. Some bread and some fish. I wish I had more options to choose from, but I don’t. But I give it to You. Bless it. Use it. It’s Yours. You are the God who made man from the dust, and You can take the dust of my life, my loaves and fish, and make something amazing from it. And I know You never leave anything incomplete. You are a God who finishes what He begins (Philippians 1:4-6). I love you so much Jesus. It’s all Yours. Amen.--

Miracles

2009-07-15T11:33:00.000-04:00

Everyone wants to see miracles, but few believe that they exist. They may say they believe, but their hearts prove them false. Everyone wants to see a light appear out of darkness, but few will open their eyes. Everyone wants to hope in something bigger than themselves, but few will give control over to stronger hands.

There are miracles. There really are, but they must be received. They must be believed in. They must be hoped for. Even if you can’t quite see it just yet, you still have to know that it is there. That is what faith is. “The substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” Or, it is “being sure of what we hope for, certain of what we do not see.” (Hebrews 11:1)

Can you believe in someone you cannot see? Can you trust words never audibly spoken? Can you wait for a promise that has not yet come?

Miracles can happen everyday. When someone believes in faith unseen in a world full of doubt that demands proof, a miracle has taken place.

Battlefield Altars

2009-07-14T14:47:00.000-04:00

I feel in my spirit that I got this word from the Lord yesterday, and I wrote this down in my journal:
“Your battlefields will become your altars. With what the devil brought about to harm you, the Lord will heal you.”

In Old Testament times, when God would deliver the children of Israel somehow, like in a battle or something, they would make an altar right where that was. So when they passed by it again, it would be a reminder of the deliverance and goodness of the Lord. (Exodus 17:15-16, Genesis 35:7, 1 Samuel 14:35, etc…)

In my life, and in others’, I’m declaring the places we have battled will become the places we break bread. The places we have been wounded will become the places that we worship. The Lord will deliver you out of your troubles, and your heart ache will become your heart’s praise.

Psalm 20:6-7
“Now I know that the Lord saves His anointed; He answers him from His holy heaven with the saving power of His right hand.
Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.”

Here in the power of Christ we stand. So get some stones together, I feel like we’re gonna be building some altars pretty soon here.

For She Loved Much

2009-07-13T01:19:00.002-04:00

Luke 7:36-50

No one is really put together are we? The way this life seems to work is that you get a little bit of growth and then you are knocked down again. You turn your back on your past and before you can completely turn around, there it is staring you in the face again. Sins that we've confessed, cast out, and condemned seem to hunt us down and have free reign in our lives at times.

Why is this? Why does life work like that? It's as if God made us just strong enough to realize we can change our ways, but too weak to pull that change off. Could it be that God's perfect design is imperfect people?

God makes all things well, but He also makes all things new.

Ecclesiastes 7:29 - "This only have I found: God made man upright, but men have gone in search of many schemes."

God made us upright and in His perfect design, but sin corrupts and perverts perfection. We are born with sinful natures because of the fall of man, and in a sense powerless to the power of sin. Helpless and hopeless.

But through the blood of Jesus shed on the cross, we have been given the power to change. The power to be free. The power to be made perfect again the eyes of the Father.

2 Corinthians 5:17 - "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old is gone, the new has come."

We have been created weak enough to find the strength of our Savior and Healer, Jesus Christ. You see, Jesus is so amazing that He can take our sin and create what is now gain for us; He can produce love from our sins.

Luke 7:47 - "Therefore, I tell you, her [my, your] many sins have been forgiven-- for she [I, you] loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little."

And that is why I love Jesus so much. Because I am so weak, because I have sinned so many times, because I am not put together, and I am not ok. But I have been forgiven much, so I cannot help but love much.

Our pasts, no matter how distant or recent, cannot keep us from the love of Christ. For all of the extent of our sins, we can come to know the extent of His love, His great love for His precious children.

He has loved much. So much.

don't phase me bro

2009-07-07T14:47:00.004-04:00

well i just got my 3rd flat tire in about 3 weeks. this is getting ridiculous. but here's the good news, i'm becoming more of a man with each new tire i change. pretty soon i will be able to grow a mustache. i can feel it.

with all the car problems i've been having lately, i feel that i've learned so much more, at least about car problems. feels like i've been to the mechanics about 20 times in the last 19 days. but these flat tires and broken things don't phase me no more. cause you can either get upset, or you can get even... wait that's not right. not get even, i meant you can either get upset or learn something new. you can learn how to rejoice in the annoying bad times, or you can sulk over it.

the night of my first radio show a few weeks back, i got a flat tire on the way to ocala, and i was getting drenched in sweat trying to change it and it was taking forever. i was getting upset, and then what i've been talking about just now hit me, i decided i was gonna just praise the Lord. i turned my speakers up in my car and put on "blessed be your name" and some hillsong stuff and just started singing. then, 2 angels appeared before me and said "do not be afraid." and then lifted the car up off the ground and filled the tire up with air and screwed in the bolts again...
ok that didn't really happen, but I did end up getting the tire changed and i did it with joy in my heart. the Lord really just made things better, that's the best way i can describe it. you see, your attitude affects everything.

what you put in your atmosphere changes everything. if you put negativity and doubt in your atmosphere, then you are going to live in a world full of it. but if you put the joy of the Lord and His words in your atmosphere, that atmosphere of God can protect you from attacks of the enemy and of this world. stupid things that eat some people alive won't phase you. not to say we're never emotionally moved by anything or nothing can ever annoy us, but you'll be surprised what some time with Jesus will do for your life. petty prayer allows petty things to destroy your life. but persistent prayer can bring about persistent joy, a joy that will hunt you down. that's pretty good.

check out the famous Psalm 23, verse 6-
"Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all of the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever."

Notice David doesn't say, "I will look for goodness and mercy and find it," he says that they will follow him, meaning they will go where he goes as long as he is walking with the Lord as his Shepherd.

Put the things of God in your atmosphere. pray and read your bible. praise the Lord even when you ain't at church. spend time with God, and all these dumb things won't phase you like they do other people. and that's good news right there!

trust and obey.

trust the River

2009-07-01T01:10:00.006-04:00

check these verses out...

Jeremiah 17:5-8

5 This is what the LORD says:

"Cursed is the one who trusts in man,

who depends on flesh for his strength

and whose heart turns away from the LORD.

6 He will be like a bush in the wastelands;

he will not see prosperity when it comes.

He will dwell in the parched places of the desert,

in a salt land where no one lives.

7 "But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,

whose confidence is in him.

8 He will be like a tree planted by the water

that sends out its roots by the stream.

It does not fear when heat comes;

its leaves are always green.

It has no worries in a year of drought

and never fails to bear fruit."

There is so much truth in this passage and so much good stuff. But the first thing that stuck out to me was that the difference to blessing and cursing in life is where you put your trust. Trust in man = cursed. Trust in God = blessed. And I really think it is just as simple as that. What really stuck out to me too was the fact that the Lord said, “Cursed is the one who trusts in man.” He said “cursed.” Not just “out of luck” or “too bad you missed out on this,” but cursed. Apparently God takes this whole trust and faith issue very seriously. I get the impression that He is angered by lack of trust and lack of faith. And that makes sense because the Bible says in Romans 10:17 that, “Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.” Ipso facto, God gives men faith. And for us to take the a gift from God and not use it… well yeah, I can see how that would be pretty annoying. God takes faith very seriously, and so should we.

I love the imagery of the tree planted by the river. If our faith is in God, we will blessed and never be lacking any good thing. While the rest of the forest (the world) is depending on rain (the economy, jobs, relationships, etc.) to give them what they need to live, the tree planted by the river (God – the River of life) doesn’t even care if it stops raining, because its roots run to the river. It has more than enough water. And I got a hunch that trees that grow by rivers are the strongest. Run your roots to the River.

Put your hope in the Lord or you will die. That’s blunt, but true.

trust and obey.

Showtime!

2009-06-15T14:00:00.003-04:00

Tonight is the night my Monday night radio show starts back up! I've been off the radio airwaves for about 2 1/2 years now. Kind of crazy. I'm really excited. Hopefully I'm a little bit smarter now. I definitely feel older. and much has changed in my life since the last time I was on there. quite a lot. but here goes round 2! and JT is pumped like a pair of pump shoes that I had in elementary school that we bought at payless so they didn't really even work and ended up breaking and i still had to wear them cause we didn't have enough money to get me another pair until the next year of school started.

listen here Monday nights from 8-11pm: http://www.daystarradio895.com/daystarradio/listenlive/

chew on this - "You will either fear God or fear man, but you will not fear both." - Mike Patz sermon www.first-assembly.org

The Bandwagon

2009-05-25T11:29:00.005-04:00

It's official, the Orlando Magic have bounced back from Shaq leaving to the Lakers.

Oh... he left like 12 years ago? Well, even so, we're back. FINALLY!

I've been a Magic fan ever since I have been in elementary school. I had the Shaq travel game where, ironically, you shoot 3 pointers with a little plastic ball and a catapult thingy. If it were really a Shaq game, they would have just had us repeatedly put the ball through the hoop with our own hands... or course I guess that's not that much fun. Anyways, I've always played as the Magic on video games, had the basketball cards, etc... I've just always been a fan, especially in middle school. (but you know i've actually never been to a game at the TD Waterhouse, although i did see Salvador play there before, and that was good.) But I'll admit it, i have not followed them that closely in the past few years. I can't tell you what's happened every season or who are all the players that sit on the bench and never take off their jumpsuits. I'm not obsessive.

But, I have been a fan and am happy to see them doing so well. I would not consider myself a bandwagon fan, but rather a fan that has not been obsessed with them. I have watched them in the playoffs though.

But really, i'm sticking up for the bandwagon fans. It's true, sometimes bandwagon fans are annoying and cheeky and think they know all about them, when really they don't. for die hard (or obsessed, or borderline ridiculous) fans, i know bandwagon fans can drive them crazy. But I just have to ask, "Why wouldn't a true fan want more people to root for their team?"

If you hate that people are cheering on your team, maybe you're not quite the fan you thought you were.

The Gators have exploded in the past year or 2 all over Central Florida. you see more apparel than ever before. the answer is because people like a winner. everyone wants to believe in something that is actually achieving success, because honestly they may not feel like the biggest winners in their lives right now. so if they can at least feel a part of something that is on a winning track, well the maybe they just might feel a little bit better about themselves.

So bandwagon fans, feel free to jump onto any caravan I'm riding with. You're welcome. don't try to talk to me like you know more about them than me though, just come along for the ride. and i hope that maybe later i can later jump on a bandwagon you've been rolling with for a while.

but i guess i'll let you in on a secret- i'm actually a stowaway on a few bandwagons right now.

Confidence

2009-05-08T13:41:00.005-04:00

Well it's done. I finally graduated from college.
Good-bye University of Florida... but not really because I'm still living in Gainesville.

I have been through a lot of emotions lately about it all. Scared. Nervous. Excited. Nervous again. Determined. Confident. Nervous again. Apathetic. Worried. Happy. Nervous again.

But here's the one i'm going to try my best to stick with - Confidence. its a grand idea and a word that has seemed to run the other way from me for most of my life. I don't know why confidence is so hard for me to wrap my life around. But it is something i have been working on a lot over the past few years.

I think some people are afraid to be confident because they feel like they are just being prideful. but there is a difference between confidence and pride. Pride is self-seeking, self-glorifying, and wants to take glory from God. But confidence is OF God. God wants us to know who we are through Him and in the power of Jesus. confidence is looking at yourself in the mirror and knowing that you have been made for more than just a life headed in random directions. its knowing you are a child of God and that He loves you very much. It's knowing that you have been created in the image of God and you are capable of all things through Christ (Philippians 4:13.) Paul says we should always be confident (2 Corinthians 5:6).

So why is it so hard to be confident?

Perhaps we look to much at others around us and try to line up our attributes and talents with theirs. When really, we have nothing to do with them. Jesus had to remind Peter of the same thing when they were walking on the beach together and Peter asked Jesus, "What about [John]?" Jesus told him that John has nothing to do with what He was telling him to do. (John 21:17-23). When God tells you to do something, you better believe He will give you what you need (or has already given you what you need) to do it. we may not feel qualified or the right person for the job, but God has a way of using our weaknesses to His advantage. (1 Corinthians 1:27, 2 Corinthians 12:10)

Or maybe we really don't know who we are. when the Lord tells you who you are, you have to believe that He does not waste words, and He really means that you are a joint-heir with Jesus.

We are all pretty messed up people. it's true. but that's the good thing about this paradox called walking with Christ. the weak are strong. the wisdom of the world is foolishness to God. Things are always backwards it seems, or maybe God just sees with a different kind of vision than we do.

God may be calling you to do something you don't think you can handle, but that means He just wants to stretch you a little bit and do things through you you never thought you could see. Why wouldn't you want to live to your full potential? Answer the call humbly, but be confident in your God. Humility and Confidence can work quite nicely together.

I've been reading Jeremiah lately and here's a verse I read this morning. its worth chewing on...

Jeremiah 17:7-8

⁷ "But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,
whose confidence is in him.

⁸ He will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit.

Treadmill Faith?

2009-04-27T16:36:00.005-04:00

Here's a post from a Facebook group in in with my church in gainesville (www.first-assembly.com -- watch the sermons, they're really good). we had a discussion about legalism, what it is and is it dangerous, and here's what i had to say, i've been thinking about things like this lately so i figured i'd post this on here.

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Let me just say that I am against legalism, its wrong, its flawed, and its a totally warped view of a life with Jesus. But also, I'm not scared of legalism. I'm also not scared of the prosperity gospel and things like that. I believe we shouldn't just not care when things like this pop up in the church and just be ok with false doctrines and teachings, but i just want to encourage everybody and let you know that I see such a harvest right now that is growing and people who's lives are being changed by Jesus. its amazing what is happening in just our own church!

Yes, we can all increase and grow in the Lord (and it needs to be continuously growing), but man, i'm so excited about what God is doing. When people really live lives full of love, joy, and power, all the false doctrines and lies of the enemy burn away and only the truth remains.

I believe that legalism can be a powerful tool of the enemy and is used a lot to keep people in bondage to guilt and pride and things like that, but when the saints of God start living lives consumed by Him and in His freedom, the powers of death will constantly be shut out by the life of Jesus. So maybe as Christians, its not all about hunting down the lies but more about seeking out the Truth. Continue to live lives passionate for the Lord, seeking His glory out, because God is answering and moving in people who are ready to be moved. and Jesus is freedom from all legalism.
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I'm starting to reevaluate things in my life lately. as to what is good and what is gaining anything worth gaining. is what i am chasing after worth it really?

i was in the gym the other day (or as i like to call it- insecurity's paradise) and I was running on the treadmill for a little while. in between my blackouts, I looked around at everyone running on the treadmills and machines like that, and thought, "funny. everyone's running but nobody's getting anywhere." And i thought about my life spiritually. i'm exuding a whole lot of energy each day towards something, and i am "running", but am i getting anywhere?

are we as the body and bride of Christ (the church) getting anywhere? I think its a question worth asking yourself daily. The Bible is very clear that "not everything is beneficial. (1 Corinthians 6:12, 1 Corinthians 10:23)

I'm graduating college this saturday and I'm trying to pull a lot of things in my life into perspective, and I'm asking the Holy Spirit to search me out and clear me of pointless, unfruitful words and practices.
Psalm 139:23 - "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts."

This for me today meant getting rid of some movies I had that were no good for me. Personally I don't think it means i need to stop watching all movies, but after I watch some I just do not feel ok inside. so that to me should have been a dead giveaway that they are ones i do not need to keep in my possession. And really I don't feel like I am missing out on anything by not having them anymore. It may look like something different tomorrow.

I'm not trying to be legalistic and say "Is this wrong? is that wrong? is this good? is that bad?" But i do want to be conscious of what my hands and feet are doing. The question should be "am I living a life that is immersed in the Spirit of God and in His love?" as we seek Him harder and harder, the sin and the pointless, unfruitful things in our lives i believe will fall away. not to say we will never sin again, but I really think we'd see some greater things in our lives and in the lives we connect to.

So if we're going to run, i say we get off the treadmills.

First Blog

2009-04-01T16:40:00.000-04:00

hello blog world. I'm going to try to get back into this blogging thing. its been a while. i don't know if anyone will ever even read this. but hey, might as well give it a shot.

i dont have much time to write now, so here's a video i finally uploaded from my sister's wedding. its my speech and i hope you dig it if not, then thats ok too.